Jane’s Manifesta to Guys In Bars

25May10

(Note: I wrote this post when I was pretty drunk after being hit on in a bar. I shelved it until I sobered up. Now I think it’s fucking hilarious. You only wish you could hang out with Wasted Jane Pissed Off.)

This serves as my Official (and Amen) Guide to Guys In Bars (hereby: GIBs).

Now, I’ve been a woman in a bar under many different presumptions. There was a long period in my life between sex work stints in which I had ridiculous one night stands with guys I preyed on at bars. Lately, though, I’ve mostly just been at bars in order to hang out with friends and have fun.

As such, I have sympathy that GIBs are there looking to get someone to slob the knob. I also have sympathy for all the women there not interested in slobbing the knob of some random GIB. So, here’s the compromise I see coming: hey, GIBs, back the fuck off!

Every single time a GIB has talked to me not in the context of someone I arranged to meet before or a new client, it has ended very poorly. I do not particularly enjoy being groped or having a prior conversation interrupted. The line “I’m not trying to hit on you” is especially suspect. You know why? Bullshit, motherfucker. And the thing I hate most from GIBs is the line, “Hey, smile!”, as though your imposing into my personal space somehow makes you so fucking special that I should remove the typical expression from my face.

So, GIBs, here’s my advice, as a woman who used to troll the bars in order to get laid: back the fuck off! If you are in an inviting stance and acknowledge others around you, people who are at the bar to get laid will approach you. Vigorous attempts at hitting upon will only be met by failure. Forget all that bullshit about how women like to be pursued blah blah blah. You have male privilege. So shut the fuck up, back the fuck off, and wait for those who might want to engage in casual but hot sexy sloppy sex with you to approach you. And do not, under any circumstance, tell someone to fucking smile! Who the fuck are you and what the god damn christ do I owe you?

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2 Responses to “Jane’s Manifesta to Guys In Bars”

  1. 1 ivan1100

    Hello,
    Coul you please tell me what “male privilege” is? I clicked on the link, but I’m none the wiser.

    When I was 18 (I’m 45 now) I had to go through a word processing pool full of women of all ages every morning…and every morning they would yell out obscenities, pat my backside and crotch, as I ran the gauntlet. Everyday, for nearly a year. Everyone I told laughed at me. I was a virgin – never been kissed. Is that male privilege?

    My best friend is beaten by his wife, who has burnt all his clothes. He goes to the police and they send him away. I look after him, until he goes back, terrified what she’ll do to the kids. Is that male privilege?

    My brother, years ago had a girlfriend. She got a restraining order against him, and then called him over. Odd, because he was the one cover in bruises, cigarette burns, and bite marks, not her. I went with him to get his stuff from the apartment. Whilst there, I stood between them whilst she talked to me as if I was her confidante and supporter…and seconds later launched herself over my shoulder to scratch at his eyes with her finger nails. He cowered and cried when we left. I told the police, they didn’t believe me. God, gotta love that male privilege.

    A colleague was teased by a female student in class – she made obscene comments. He responded with far far less, and was sacked when she claimed she was traumatised. He killed himself. Could have been that he couldn’t handle all that male privilege.

    There is only one double standard that matters (forgetting the slut/stud one that focuses only on sexually successful men and not the rejected ones “sleaze” “creep” etc.). And that is the myth of female innocence. You are too smart to play the victim – and yet you do it. Why?

    • I smell a troll. Glad you clicked the link. Now get on Google, look up a feminism 101 blog (or hey, check the links on my blog), and educate yourself. Or get a book. Something by R. W. Connell or Michael Kimmel is a good start.


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