I am a crazy person.

02Oct09

I have been dropping a lot of balls lately. I don’t mean to be. I feel awful about it. And yet I am struck by the salience of stigma in why I can’t explain to others why exactly I’m sucking at life right now.

When I had surgery recently, it was totally cool for me to drop balls because I had unexpected complications and was in pain. I could explain this to people, to clients, as to why I was such a fucking failure.

Now I’m dropping balls all over the place because my doctor put me on a new medication for my anxiety and, rather than helping, it has plummeted me into depression. I just don’t care enough to get out of bed.

And while I’m going to be okay and I’ll find a medication that works and I am resilient and blah blah fucking blah, it’s kind of a pain in my ass that I can’t really explain what’s going on. Who wants the crazy person handling important things? Who wants to employ the services of a crazy whore? Sure, those closest to me know, but that’s not who I’m going to burn bridges with if I can’t be arsed to get out of bed that day.

My problem right now has everything to do with biology and medication side effects, but because it’s psychiatric in nature, it’s somehow different.

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One Response to “I am a crazy person.”

  1. 1 Amber Rhea

    I know the feeling. Gotta love that arbitrary line society draws between medical conditions that are sufficient explanations and those that aren’t.

    Hope you get your meds sorted out soon!


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