Profanity-laced safer sex tear.

28Jul09

Even though I was raised in an abstinence-only environment and had no formal training on safer sex techniques, today I am the queen of safer sex techniques. However, it seems like the world around me is living in the abstinence-only bubble of mythology about STDs. Which is why when I saw SerpentLibertine’s most recent post, I had to give a resounding hell fucking yes.

The idea that any client (hobbyist) would want to have unprotected sex with a stranger is shocking to me. I mean, how fucking stupid can you be? I’m going to make no bones about this. Sex is fucking risky. If you are having unprotected sex, you are putting yourself at risk. Not just yourself, but probably your poor wife at home who is suspicious but has no idea. And not only that, you are disrespecting the provider by being an asshole.

I can’t blame the workers because there is a lot of pressure in many avenues of sex work to offer unsafe sex practices. How many emails a day do I get asking to “worship” me (which is really just code for unprotected rimming)? I don’t do that. I’d work a lot more if I did. But I’m also fortunate to be able to make that decision economically.

It does amaze me, though, the misinformation about safer sex out there in the world, especially among hobbyists and workers. Serpent mentions in the post a hobbyist posting on a board about the safety of unprotected oral sex, and the response being to go elsewhere for information. It seems to me that these hobbyists don’t know the first fucking thing about safer sex. (Ever hear the one about the hobbyist who thought two condoms was safer?)

It also surprises me the number of people in general who have risky casual sex. It is, as Serpent says, an idea that there are “those kind of people” who have STDs and those who don’t. You can’t tell from what someone is wearing what kind of STD they have. I’ve known several dudes (fortunately not in the horizontal tango kind of way) who know they have herpes or something similar and will happily “forget” to mention it or lie through their teeth about it to the girls they’re fucking. Which is, of course, the fun double standard our society has about women and STDs. Dudes who have STDs just got burned. Women who have them are fucking dirty whores.

The idea of having unprotected (heterosexual) sex freaks me out, sort of like Hexpletive’s response. Additionally, diseases like HPV and herpes don’t even require a penis to go into a vagina or anus to be transmitted, or for that matter, a penis to go into a mouth. In my perfect world, all sex workers would use dental dams, gloves, and condoms. I know I never touch anyone without gloves on.

And, before anyone accosts me, I am not judging anyone for their safer sex choices. Okay, I’m judging asshole hobbyists who push for unsafe acts. And assholes who lie about having an STD. But beyond that, I know that none of us are perfect. I know I’ve made some safer sex mistakes in my life. But the point is this: educate yourself and use that education to empower your choices. You only get one body.

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One Response to “Profanity-laced safer sex tear.”

  1. It also surprises me the number of people in general who have risky casual sex.

    ME TOO!! Okay, I too was raised in an abstinence only environment w/ no formal sex ed (other than, here’s how your period works, and then in 11th grade, here are some pictures of STIs at really advanced stages to scare you into never having sex) but I educated myself. I don’t know, maybe I got lucky? Somehow I found the info though. That was back when MTV didn’t suck and had shows like “Sex in the 90s” – those were a huge help for me. I also caught a few episodes of “Real Sex” when we were stealing HBO for a while.

    I keep meaning to write about this… how it seems like there was more info available, and people were more eager about it, in the 90s. Maybe I’m way off. Hell, we have the Web now, w/ sites like Scarleteen, so it stands to reason there’s more info out there. Right? Why do I get the sense that people have gotten slack about it, though? Were we more enthusiastic about it in the 90s because AIDS was still relatively new?


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