Jane’s Manifesta to Guys In Bars
(Note: I wrote this post when I was pretty drunk after being hit on in a bar. I shelved it until I sobered up. Now I think it’s fucking hilarious. You only wish you could hang out with Wasted Jane Pissed Off.)
This serves as my Official (and Amen) Guide to Guys In Bars (hereby: GIBs).
Now, I’ve been a woman in a bar under many different presumptions. There was a long period in my life between sex work stints in which I had ridiculous one night stands with guys I preyed on at bars. Lately, though, I’ve mostly just been at bars in order to hang out with friends and have fun.
As such, I have sympathy that GIBs are there looking to get someone to slob the knob. I also have sympathy for all the women there not interested in slobbing the knob of some random GIB. So, here’s the compromise I see coming: hey, GIBs, back the fuck off!
Every single time a GIB has talked to me not in the context of someone I arranged to meet before or a new client, it has ended very poorly. I do not particularly enjoy being groped or having a prior conversation interrupted. The line “I’m not trying to hit on you” is especially suspect. You know why? Bullshit, motherfucker. And the thing I hate most from GIBs is the line, “Hey, smile!”, as though your imposing into my personal space somehow makes you so fucking special that I should remove the typical expression from my face.
So, GIBs, here’s my advice, as a woman who used to troll the bars in order to get laid: back the fuck off! If you are in an inviting stance and acknowledge others around you, people who are at the bar to get laid will approach you. Vigorous attempts at hitting upon will only be met by failure. Forget all that bullshit about how women like to be pursued blah blah blah. You have male privilege. So shut the fuck up, back the fuck off, and wait for those who might want to engage in casual but hot sexy sloppy sex with you to approach you. And do not, under any circumstance, tell someone to fucking smile! Who the fuck are you and what the god damn christ do I owe you?
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Tags: bars, guys in bars, male privilege